Episode 3: Interview with a Caregiver

1) What is your name, and would you like to stay anonymous?

My name is Ante (Tony) Buljan, Owner of 3 RCFE's (Residential Care Facility for the Elderly)

2) Who is the person you are caring for? Why are you caring for them? 

I care for many elderly residents. I started elderly care about 45 years ago with my parents when I was 19.

3) What does a typical day look like for you and the person you care for? 

We care for elderly residents with various health and mental conditions ranging from Dementia/Alzheimer's to residents needing help with all ADL's – assistance with daily living – bathing, dressing, toileting, medication, activities, all the meals....

4) How did you end up in a caregiving role — was it something you chose or something that found you? 

I helped my parents out when I was 19 in our first care home in 1981, and ever since have been involved in it and managing it and caring for elderly – hands-on too.

5) What's something about the person you care for that most people wouldn't know? 

What most people do not know is that every person is unique and no diagnosis [fits all] the people across the board.  Each person should be treated with dignity and respect from conception until natural death. Suffering is part of life and some people want to avoid suffering at all cost, but it's a vital part of our life.

6) Is there a small routine or habit the two of you share that helps the day go more smoothly?

Music and smile and good attitude – compassion. 

7) Has there been a moment when you had to let go of an old routine and find a new one as the illness progressed?

Yes, we need to be flexible and go with the progressive decline in the health of the elderly, and help them each step of the way.

8) Are there any rituals around meals, mornings, or bedtime that have taken on special meaning?

Yes, consistency is one of the key components and compassionate care.

9) Is there a phrase, song, or gesture that seems to calm or reach the person you're caring for, even on hard days?

Smile and friendly attitude and respecting every one with dignity and love.

10) Have you invented anything yourself — a trick or workaround — that isn't in any guidebook?

Yes, but it will cost you.

11) What's a moment recently that felt surprisingly joyful or funny?

Yes, happy and good attitude, and saying things that make them laugh.

12) What's something you wish someone had told you when you started this journey?

I realized that in the end (and beginning), God is in charge, and we are all in this journey together...

13) Is there a ritual that's just for you — something you do to take care of yourself in the middle of caregiving?

Yes, pray, hope, and rely on God's providence, grace and love.

14) How has your relationship with this person changed since caregiving began? 

I get to know the person on a deep spiritual level and try to assist them in their journey to the next level – heaven.

15) Is there something you do together that helps you both feel like "yourselves" rather than patient and caregiver?

Yes, be yourself, genuine, loving and caring.

16) If another caregiver just starting out could learn one thing from your experience, what would it be?

Treat everyone with respect, dignity, compassion, and love; and treat them like they matter or as your own relatives...

17) Is there anything about your experience you haven't been asked about but wish someone would?

No, just life is fast, and we need to take into account all the ways that we can help others, not just because we are doing it out of financial need or necessity, but rather out of love and care for the other--Love--wanting the best for the other.